Romantic relationships..

I've been in a relationship for a few years now. I see a lot of posts about how people think relationships mean having butterflies forever, your heart beating faster every time they walk into a room, cuddling with each other every night, legs intertwined, that you'd be so happy to live together that you'd sleep on a double bed with each other every night.

But it's really not like that, at least not to me.!

You stop getting butterflies when you start living together. Your heart no longer speeds up when you see them, but instead, everything calms down. When you're in a room with them, you feel calm, and secure. When you cuddle with them, you feel your heart beat slow, and the sound of their breathing carry you towards comfort. It doesn't feel like a roller coaster anymore, it feels like home. 

You don't sleep curled up with each other every night, legs twisted so tight that its hard to tell where your legs begin and theirs end.

Instead, you sleep comfortably side by side, sometimes facing different directions. But every night you find yourself scooting backwards to bump into them. You snuggle against their arm, or stroke their hair as they fall asleep. There are nights when your better half, in their sleep, reaches around you and pulls you to them, like a child with their teddy, like you are their comfort.

In the wee hours of morning before dawn breaks, when the world is blue and you see through cracked eyes, you curl into their chest and inhale their scent, before you drift back to sleep.

Kisses aren't always firey anymore. But there are so many of them now. There are cold kisses when you're eating ice cream, and there are sticky kisses over breakfast pancakes. There are "I'm leaving now" kisses, and "one more kiss before you leave" kisses. There are sleepy morning kisses before work, where you don't remember the alarm going off but instead the press of their lips against yours and that's what brings you into the day. 

There are kisses before you sleep and, "you are so sweet with the things you do" kisses. There's kisses because you treat animals so tenderly and there's "I'm glad I'm with you and not with anyone else" kisses. There's quick kisses while you're moving on the streets.

When its loud and you gravitate together, when instead of having your own personal space and their own personal space, its both of yours together, and you step into their chest to take up less area together.

You don't always text each other with confessions of love and care like you used to, because that's a given now, and you've moved on to quirky inside jokes about the life you've built together. You share looks of exasperation and amusement in public, your own little world against the outside one.

Relationships are not always a fairy tale. They're not always fireworks and sparks, at least after the start. 

But they are a quiet rhythm and hum of love and care. It is not a fire in your soul, but one in your heart, keeping you warm and comfortable, as you drowsily drift into sleep.

And I love that.